


To See Me Losing You

by fortunata13



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-23
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-31 15:16:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/345595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortunata13/pseuds/fortunata13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of Unbroken in which there is no spell of undoing but, broken or not, Kahlan wants her Mord'Sith back and will stop at nothing to make it happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To See Me Losing You

Kahlan sat alone atop a cliff gazing out into the vast emptiness of the night sky. For as much as she tried, she could find no beauty in it. Not in the low hanging moon that lit her features, not in the millions of stars that seemed within her reach, not in the promise that a new day would surely follow this perfect night. It had been like this for almost a half a year now. At first she’d managed to ignore this lingering despair, this quiet desperation that was constantly with her. They’d saved the world of the living, the three of them, and the irony of that certainly did not escape her for she certainly wasn’t living. Still, the jubilance all around her served as a distraction. The emptiness never left her but it mattered, what they had accomplished. It was good, and noble, and important. The three of them were heroes.

“Kahlan, let’s go back to camp. It’s late and you need your rest,” the Seeker said in his gentlest tone, placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing affectionately.

“Rest?” she hissed, with as much bitterness as she could manage. “How do you do it Richard? How do you pretend she isn’t out there somewhere? Knowing we could not have done any of it without her?” She didn’t turn to look at him as she spoke. What would have been the point? 

“I cared just as much about her as you did, Kahlan. You know I did, but the Cara we knew is gone. I’ve had no choice but to accept it.” He knew it was the anguish and the guilt she felt that made her lash out at him. Eventually she’ll accept it, he told himself for months, but it wasn’t getting any better. Kahlan was heartbroken over the friend she’d lost.

She’d replayed the events of that day in her head over and over. It was she who told Cara to go, she who stood by idly as Cara was led away by Dahlia, she who chose to stay at Richard’s side instead of letting him and Zedd go on without her. They saved the world and that was something, only a world without Cara amounted to nothing. It was there, atop a cliff, with the Seeker by her side, that she decided she could no longer live this way.

“I want you and Zedd to go on without me. I need time to myself to deal with this and you need to find Rahl.” Without turning to face him, she knew the look on his face, the hurt, the disappointment.

“Kahlan, no!” he protested, coming to his feet. His eyes were already moist with tears. They saved the world. They should have been happy. Why wasn’t Kahlan able to focus on the positive? He cared for Cara, and he missed her just as much as Kahlan did. But the loss of one Mord’Sith measured against the loss of all of humanity was quite a bargain. It didn’t negate what she meant to them, or how much of their success had been made possible by her strength and tenacity but it was a fair price to pay. Cara was still alive, after all. It was just a question of being grateful for the time they had together. Why couldn’t Kahlan just accept it, he’d asked himself time and again.

“I’m not asking for your permission, Richard, I’m telling you what I need to do to get through this.” He knew when she turned to face him that it was over. It was her stance and the steely look in her eyes: Kahlan’s mind would not be swayed.

Shortly after sunrise, Kahlan mounted her steed, leaving Richard and Zedd to wonder when they would see her again. Had they known her intentions they surely would have tried to stop her, or at the very least followed her. For it wasn’t time to herself Kahlan was after, it was the Mord’Sith, Cara Mason. That she had no plan to speak of and not a single clue as to Cara’s whereabouts was as clear as day to her yet it didn’t matter.  Exactly what she’d do if she did find her was a complete mystery to her, but that did not deter her from forging on either. That she questioned her own sanity every step of the way was undeniable as well, but whenever she considered abandoning this madness, it was the certainty that if their roles had been reversed, Cara would not have given up, that kept her going. 

If saving the world had an upside, it was that gratitude had often been expressed with coins. Her purse was heavy with gold as where her saddle bags; Kahlan had enough gold to buy both comfort and information. She’d taken great care to conceal her identity as she traveled from one Mord’Sith temple to the next, lying in wait at a safe distance for days at a time in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her. 

Then it finally happened. From nearly fifty paces away, she spotted the sway of Cara’s hips. That feline-like movement was unmistakable: no one in all of creation moved like Cara Mason. She could feel her pulse racing and the incessant drumming of her heart against her rib cage as she watched Cara disappear into a temple on the outskirts of town. All she needed was an opportunity to talk to her, to tell her all the things she’d planned on telling her once the quest was over. It was just a question of getting her alone –– and restrained –– long enough to get through to her without either of them ending up dead. Kahlan was convinced that even in the grips of “insidious dark magic” as Zedd had called it, with enough time, she could get Cara back.

“It’s not breaking you that I’m after, Cara. My purpose here is altogether different.” It had taken her nearly a year but, in the end, the Mother Confessor achieved her purpose. She managed to locate the Mord’Sith and lure her into a trap. Using herself as the bait, Cara’s inability to resist had rendered her victory eminent. Now Kahlan Amnell sat in an empty castle, her eyes fixed on the Mord’Sith in restraints just a few paces in front of her.

Her words were true. Kahlan didn’t care if Cara was broken or not, and she certainly had no desire to torture her. What she was after was some measure of peace, respite from the misery that had become her constant companion since Cara was lost to her. Darken Rahl didn’t know it, but when he broke Cara, he managed to break Kahlan as well.

“If your purpose isn’t to break me, and apparently you have no intention of killing me, then why am I here?” the Mord’Sith drawled with seething anger. She knew Kahlan well enough to know that giving into her rage would accomplish nothing. She would play the Confessor’s game, at least for a while. 

Kahlan’s reply came without hesitation, and drove Cara to the brink of madness. “I miss you.” she said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. To say that those three words were infuriatingly frustrating and pathetic to the point of leaving Cara speechless would have been a gross understatement. The Mord’Sith thought the sheer stupidity of it would cause her head to explode.

“My life without you is nothing but endless shades of gray, Cara. My every thought is of you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, nothing makes sense without you. I have to make it stop and this is the only solution.” She spoke in a tone indicative of someone who had given the matter a great deal of thought. Kahlan spoke the truth, what she sought was indeed a measure of peace and this was the only possible way she could think to achieve it.

Cara instantly began to trace back what, knowing Kahlan as well as she did, must have been the train of thought that led to her current predicament. She could see it all so clearly, the Seeker’s pathetic attempts at getting her to accept that the Cara they loved was gone, the Wizard’s useless search for a magical solution to the problem. That she was chained to a wall in a remote castle where no one would think to look for her, made perfect sense now.

Most clearly of all, she saw Kahlan. For in those inevitable moments of weakness that even the spell cast by the Sisters of the Dark could not prevent, it was the look in Kahlan’s eyes when she’d learned Cara would not return to them that haunted her. Many a night was spent in a Mord’Sith training room enduring hours of torture to erase those eyes from her mind. Yet, when she least expected it, they made their way back into her psyche. Even before this day, Kahlan Amnell had already been her jailer. 

Moments later Cara’s eyes lit up as bright as the sun and she laughed as hardily as Kahlan had ever heard her. “You dimwitted fool,” she said, still unable to temper her amusement. “You fell in love with your pet Mord’Sith, didn’t you? That’s what all of this is about.” Kahlan’s cheeks turned crimson red at being confronted with a truth she’d never dared put into words. She was in love with Cara Mason, and she had been for far longer than she cared to admit. “Well, she’s as good as dead. Dahlia paid for my salvation with her life. She freed me of that sad shell of a Mord’Sith that was the product of our so called friendship.”

“You are right,” Kahlan finally replied, walking over to the Mord’Sith. “And now that I have you back, I am never letting you out of my sight again.” She leaned in, running her fingers through Cara’s hair as she had wanted to do so many times during their travels, then kissed her on the temple, and again each of her eyelids.

“You’ve gone stark raving mad.” Cara’s forehead wrinkled and her mouth fell open as she searched for some way out of this mess.

“I suppose so,” she finally answered. “But the only thing I know with any degree of certainty is that I can’t live without you. I tried, Cara, it’s impossible.”

“She’s gone, Confessor, and she’s never coming back. The sickening creature you are so fond of no longer exists. Perhaps if you hadn’t been so busy fawning over the Seeker you would have noticed that she lived and breathed for you, but now she’s gone.” The smirk on her face was nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to mask the eerie feeling that she wasn’t going to get out this situation any time soon.

Kahlan sat back down, never taking her eyes off Cara for well over three candle marks. “For Spirits sake, Confessor,” Cara spat out, glaring at her as if she were beyond contempt. “Just tell me what it is you are after. Surely, your intention isn’t to bore me to death.”

“I already told you, I need you in my life. If it has to be as my prisoner, then so be it. The choice is yours.”

Kahlan was insane. Cara had not doubt about it. Her only hope was to somehow reason with her. “So you are turning your back on your people in order to sit in a chair and stare at me for the rest of your days.  And what of the Seeker? He won’t last another six months without you.” She waited for a sign, anything to confirm that her words had made Kahlan reconsider but she saw nothing.

“You said it yourself, Cara. I am stark raving mad. How can I possibly serve my people in such a state? They are better off without me.” She paused for a moment, then, said, “You don’t look very comfortable. Would you like me to release you from the restraints?”

Fully aware that she was dealing with a mad woman, Cara hesitated, but although incredulous, nodded in agreement. Kahlan walked up to her but before releasing her, said, “I should probably tell you that I had the castle spelled. If you were to kill me, you’d be trapped here alone for the rest of your days. It is only by my command that the spell can be lifted.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be a good person?” Cara huffed, derisively. 

“People change,” Kahlan said. “Do you want me to let you down or not?” Cara grudgingly nodded in agreement. 

Kahlan was about to turn the key in the lock, but then thought better of it. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “There is something for which I’ve waited far too long.” With that, she stepped into Cara’s personal space and took her earlobe in her mouth, swirling her tongue around the shell of her ear before moving down to lick her cleavage. In spite of herself, Cara released a low grunt when she felt Kahlan’s teeth sink into the soft flesh of her breast. “Very nice,” the Mother Confessor breathed out, kneading Cara’s breast through the leather. “Had I released you, we would have both been denied of what we’ve wanted for far too long, Cara.” 

Before Kahlan had finished saying her name, Cara felt her hand slip into the waistband of her leathers. Kahlan had changed, Cara thought to herself, unable to control the urge to arch into Kahlan’s hand. “I knew you’d be wet for me, Cara.” she murmured, plunging three fingers knuckle deep into the Mord’Sith’s gushing cunt while crushing her swollen clit with the heel of her hand. Cara’s hips moved to match the rhythm of Kahlan’s fingers and her teeth sank into the place where her shoulder met her neck. Kahlan Amnell was fucking her, Cara thought to herself, doing her best to keep her composure.

 “It was never Richard whom I thought of when I hiked up my dress on the forest floor to pleasure myself, love. It’s always been you.” Those words, coupled with the way Kahlan curled her fingers at just the right angle, had her coming undone with Kahlan’s name leaving her lips over and over as violent tremors reverberated throughout her body. Moments later, she was left boneless with only Kahlan’s arms to support her weight. The Mother Confessor closed her eyes for a long time, enjoying the thumping of Cara’s heart against her own chest. “Spirits, how I wish I would have taken you in my mouth, Cara.” She then sucked the fingers that had so thoroughly filled Cara.

Kahlan had definitely changed.

As soon Cara shifted in her arms. Kahlan turned the key in the lock, freeing the Mord’Sith from her restraint. Kahlan fully expected what came next, and braced herself for it. The minute her hands were free, Cara planted her feet for leverage and backhanded Kahlan with every bit of strength she could muster. Kahlan took it without flinching. 

“Again,” she said. The Mord’Sith was taken aback by the request, but she complied without hesitation. “That is all you get,” the Mother Confessor said in an even tone. “The next time I hit back.”

“You fucked me, Confessor, clearly that’s what you wanted. Can I go now?”

Kahlan sighed in frustration and closed the space between them. “No,” she said flatly, “but there are many more interesting things we can do than fight.” She lifted Cara’s hands to her own breast, and moaned when she felt Cara pinch her nipples. Only to be left with a hallow ache between her thighs, when the Mord’Sith took a step back, releasing her breast.

“No,” she said, mimicking Kahlan’s tone.

“Suit yourself.” She paused for a moment and licked her lips. “May I?” she asked looking down at one of Cara’s agiels. Cara’s breath caught in her throat but she said nothing. Kahlan reached for the weapon –– which, much like her Confessor magic, was rendered harmless by the spell she’d paid handsomely to have a wizard cast –– while working on the laces of her travel dress. Cara wanted to turn away but her body refused to cooperate. She stood perfectly still, eyes glued on Kahlan.

The Confessor quickly tossed her dress aside, along with her underthings. She then sat back on a chaise, legs parted in such a way that Cara could see the arousal already running down her thighs. With one hand, she rolled a nipple between her thumb and her forefinger, and with the other, she slipped the agiel deep into her sex. What at first were small sounds of pleasure, quickly turned into moans and grunts as she steadily increased the speed and depth of her thrusts. 

Telling herself it must have been a side effect of the spell, Cara suddenly found herself kneeling between Kahlan’s legs, inhaling the heady scent of her sex, and rubbing circles on her swollen clit with her thumb. It wasn’t long before the agiel lay discarded on the floor, replaced by Cara’s hungry mouth and dexterous fingers. Kahlan came grinding her sex on Cara’s face, clinging to a fistful of blonde hair for dear life. Both undoubtedly well-sexed, they fell asleep, Kahlan on the chaise, Cara on the floor.

 “I can’t kill you but I can certainly hurt you enough to make you which you were dead.”

“Good morning to you as well, love,” Kahlan replied, as she wiped the sleep from her eye. Clearly, the Mord’Sith wasn’t a morning person.

“Don’t call me that,” Cara scuffed, gritting her teeth. “I already told you, your pet Mord’Sith isn’t coming back. She is gone.”

Kahlan sat up, her nipples responding to the chilly room. “Really, Cara, can you not refer to yourself in the third person? It’s exceedingly trite. This mythical her you constantly go on about is none other than you.” With that, she left the room. It infuriated Cara that her treacherous body responded to Kahlan’s naked form with an instant ache between her thighs. Already, she could feel her swollen clit twitching with need.

“Here,” she said, handing Cara a plate with some cold meats and bread. “You must be hungry.” 

Cara was hungry, but for something other than food. She could still taste Kahlan on her tongue from the previous night’s activities, and while she knew she was playing right into her hands, bedding Kahlan was one concession she was willing to make. After taking a bite of the bread, Cara sauntered to where Kahlan sat naked eating her breakfast and stripped off her leathers. The Mother Confessor sank her teeth into her lower lip and watched with great interest.

“Pleasure me,” Cara ordered once her leathers lay discarded on the floor. 

“Oh,” Kahlan said, raising an eyebrow, “Is that how you think things work between us? Now it is you who has mistaken me for a pet.” She unceremoniously returned to her meal leaving Cara seething with anger.

“I warn you, Confessor, do not toy with me.” When it became obvious that Kahlan had no intention of acknowledging her, Cara grabbed a fistful of Kahlan’s hair and forcibly brought her to her feet.

“Cara,” Kahlan hissed, “I understand that being in love with you puts me at a disadvantage but I will not be treated like a common whore.”

Perhaps during the year and half they’d been apart, Cara had forgotten the Mother Confessor could, on any given day, match her blow for blow. The look of surprise on her face when, with one blow, she found herself flat on her back halfway across the room, was certainly one of someone who’d underestimated an adversary.

“Is this really what you want, Cara? Because if it is, I won’t hold back,” Kahlan warned her.

As far as Cara was concerned, the next best thing to fucking Kahlan was fighting her. An all out brawl ensued. They punched and kicked their way through the main hall, leaving a trail of smashed furniture and damaged walls in their wake.

“Is that the best you can do, Confessor?” Cara taunted, her yes dancing with excitement, as she wiped away the blood trickling down her nose.

“Oh I’m just getting started,” Kahlan said, with a menacing grin on her face. Without missing a beat, she swept Cara’s legs out from under her and planted her foot on the Mord’Sith’s chest. “Do you give?” Kahlan asked, already knowing the answer.

“Never.” Cara managed to get back on her feet but Kahlan exploited her size advantage and pinned her against a wall, their bruised naked bodies pressed together. Panting for air, and catching Cara by surprised, she shoved four fingers hard into the Mord’Sith’s sex causing her to whimper and cling to her jailer for leverage. 

“Good girl,” Kahlan said, when she felt Cara riding her fingers in perfect sync with her thrusts. “Beautiful,” she said, as Cara’s contracting muscles enveloped her fingers with liquid heat. “That’s right, Cara, come for me hard so that I can fuck you again.” 

Before Cara could fully comedown from her first orgasm, Kahlan had her on the floor, legs slung over shoulders, taking the Mord’Sith in her mouth. Finally tasting Cara’s sex had her on the verge of climax but she pushed the thought out of her mind to milk every bit of pleasure Cara had left in her. The Mord’Sith exploded in Kahlan’s mouth, convulsing and bucking wildly. Kahlan continued to work her clit with her tongue and filled her cunt with three fingers until Cara collapsed into her arms. 

“Tell me, did Dahlia ever fuck you like that, Cara?” she murmured into the Mord’Sith’s ear. “We both know she didn’t. Only someone who loves you can fuck you like that.”

Cara was still unable to form words but had she been able to do so, she would not have argued the truth of Kahlan’s words. Instead, she kissed and licked Kahlan’s breasts and watched as the Mother Confessor pleasured herself. Cara didn’t know what any of this was, but she did know she had to find a way out or there would be nothing left of her. They spent the rest of the night cleaning up the mess they’d made without exchanging a single word.

For the next few weeks they fell into a somewhat comfortable routine. Kahlan prepared their meals while Cara assisted with the household chores. They took pleasure from each other throughout the day and night. It was as if they’d embarked upon a voyage of discovery, mapping out new territories that carried the promise of riches beyond belief, and would take lifetimes to explore. Eventually, they moved from the main hall to the master bedroom. The bed was far more comfortable than the cold marble floor. On some mornings they enjoyed sitting out on the balcony that overlooked the garden. Cara would usually straddle the Mother Confessor and feast on her bare bosom, leaving a trail of warm wet kisses and, more often than not, teeth marks as well. For her part, Kahlan’s preference continued to be taking the Mord’Sith in her mouth, and so, with a pillow to support her back, Cara sat on the edge of a chair looking out to into the horizon as Kahlan’s gifted tongue indulged in the taste of her. At times she fucked Cara with her tongue, but others she’d send her over the edge by sinking her teeth into Cara’s clit with just the right pressure. They didn’t name what they shared, they simply let it be.

It was on an unseasonably cold morning that Cara, her body pressed against Kahlan’s for warmth, and smiling as she took in the scent of Kahlan’s hair, fully absorbed the reality of the scene. It was every bit a marital bed she and Kahlan shared, and the routine they’d fallen into was the picture of domesticity. She didn’t know exactly how it happened but she knew, without a doubt, that she had fallen into a second trap laid out by the Mother Confessor.

Filled with panic and rage, Cara flew into a tirade. “Confessor,” she growled, “wake up right now.” She shoved Kahlan so hard that she almost fell off the bed.

“What is it, love, what’s wrong?” Kahlan asked, eyes still heavy with sleep. 

“This pathetic charade is over. I will not indulge you for a moment longer. You mean nothing to me, Kahlan. What’s more, I hate you enough to kill you with my bare hands even if it means spending the rest of my days locked in this prison watching your corpse rot.” She did not look at Kahlan as she spoke, for she knew that doing so would be the end of her.

Kahlan bowed her head and shut her eyes; never had anyone treated her so cruelly. Having thought that they were happy together, that it was Cara who spoke those words tore her heart to shreds. She uttered the phrase that lifted the spell and watched, as Cara, who had already slipped into her leathers, walked out of her life. Kahlan crumbled onto the cold marble floor and wept. With Cara gone, she had nothing left.

Knowing only that she could not stay in the castle for a moment longer, and with no particular destination in mind, the next morning she arranged her belongings in her pack and said goodbye to the last of her dreams.

When she opened the door, much to her surprise she found Care leaning against the balustrade that ran the length of the terrace. Thinking that now that her agiels weren’t unimpaired by magic, the Mord’Sith intended to avenge her time in captivity, Kahlan felt relieved. Surely the Underworld would be far preferable to her current life.

Cara looked back at her over her shoulder without leaving her place against the balustrade for what felt like an eternity. “We should probably go find the Seeker and the Wizard. By now, they have probably managed to reopen the rift to rescue a stray cat,” she said, in an even tone, as if the events of the previous months had never taken place. She finally took a step towards Kahlan, and with a meaningful look in her eyes, reached for her pack. “I’ll carry that for you.” she said, allowing a curtain of blonde hair to cover her eyes.

Cara loved her, the Mother Confessor was certain of it. “Thank you,” she said, running her hand down the length of Cara’s arm as she had been in the habit of doing during their travels through the Midlands. “It’s very heavy.” Cara nodded and rested her hand on the small of Kahlan’s back.  
  
Fin

 


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